If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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