Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
