Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize