once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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