all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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