all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
