When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
