So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
