I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
