I hate your face
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
