the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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