One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize