EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
