I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize