I cockslap morals
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
