I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just pee around me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
