you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize