I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
