One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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