im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
