ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
