Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
