remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
