meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
