i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize