Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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