My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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