Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
