I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
