Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
