You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize