i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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