sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
