i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize