xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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