Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
