There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
