mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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