There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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