With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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