Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
