you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
