She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize