The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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