She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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