I am puke
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
