Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
