She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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