I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
