I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
