Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize