Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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