If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
