In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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