I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
