She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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