from now on my penis is your penis
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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