The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
