I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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