I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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