Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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