i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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