how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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