I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How naked do you want me to be?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
