My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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