i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
