what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
