Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
