So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
