Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
