so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
