We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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