I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
